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Oh My Heart


So the chapter---no THE chapter has finally been written. Despite this, I have two more to go before I can then go back and rework/redraft from the top.

Before I ever began, before I ever formed and shaped poor doomed Mr. Jared Oaks into a character with a doting little sister named Mandy, I knew we'd end up right here.

And yet, all I can think is "I killed him." And then I feel guilty and bad for doing it. But there's no other way to tell the story. You can't have a guy end up being an angry spirit and take the journey that gets there if the guy destined to be an angry spirit doesn't DIE.

So, why does it hurt so much and is this normal for a writer to feel this way about a FICTIONAL being THEY created. Cause honestly, ouch.

The last two chapters (and I know, if he's dead what's there left to tell) are very crucial and key to just what Mr. Oaks is supposed to LEARN (and eventually fail at). The whole crux of the fictional argument that I've set out to address will be examined in chapters 18 and 19.

But right now I mourn. I mourn my beautiful big brother of a moose who loves his little sister and just wants to stay with her no matter what---even though he can't. I want to grieve his death and know that while it's not his fault he got snockered just right to end up in the hospital bed, he was the best big brother to Mandy she could ever want.

I started this story thinking it'd be a short, that I'd answer the question of what it is to becomes an angry spirit and how that happens. Instead, I told a love story about two siblings who have had only each other in the world for so long---only to have one end up dying on the other and one leave the dying one behind. Love is truly at the heart of this story---and forgiveness.

So, I'll go nurse my hurt and know that maybe my tears and my heartbreak has somehow translated into something profound that means more than the paper it's printed on.

After all, I have to have hope that I can get published if Zhu Zhu Pets can be turned into a damn movie!

Far Away Eyes