Here's a few more:
1. Detective Septemeber Rafferty---Nine to her friends--recognizes the artwork that arrives in the mail. She created it back in second grade. Now a killer's words are slashed across it in what looks like blood. He knows her. September's investigation leads to her old classmate Jake Westerly. She wants to believe Jake is innocent. But trusting anyone could be her last mistake...
This one is obviously much too long to be an actual query letter hook, but I found it intriguing. We're told who this detective is---and I kind of like the name September---and what she's going to face. I like the fact that we're seeing a potential ghost from her childhood to be the baddie. On one hand it seems a bit obvious, but I'm left to wonder if perhaps Jake isn't the killer and if not then who is? It caught my interest for sure.
2. Last in a line of proud queens elected to rule the fertile lands of the West, true owner of the Legendary Round Table, guardian of the great Goddess herself ---a woman whose story has never been told---until now
I actually read this book. What drew me to it was the idea that Guenevere was more than just the classical version. She wasn't just the queen Arthur married and Lancelot lusted over. This hooked me because I wanted to know how she was queen without him. I also enjoyed the use of pre-Roman history tangled with the emergence of Christianity in the British Isles. Guenevere isn't simply there to be pretty or bolster Arthur. She's queen and a ruler and this hook totally made me want to know how.
3. The White Queen tells the story of Elizabeth Woodville, a woman of extraordinary beauty and ambition, who secretly marries the newly crowned boy king. While Elizabeth rises to the demands of her exalted position and fights for the success of her family, her two sons become the central figure in a famous unsolved mystery that has confounded historians for centuries: the lost princes in the Tower of London.
I read this one, too. I'll admit, outside of my love for English history, what drew me to this one was reading about a woman in this period. It's from her perspective and that's set up right in this hook. This is her story---not Edward's--and I find that a fascinating thing. And we're given everything from romance to murder. There's mystery and intrigue spelled out in this, too.
So, now that I've looked at a few hooks, even if they're not perfect for query letters, what about a hook of my own?
Well, I decided to go with one of the "when" types of hooks. Here goes:
When Jared Oaks finds himself disembodied, he must face himself, his mortality, and his sister's grief---but if that wasn't enough he's also being haunted by his own reflection.
I don't think it's perfect by any means, but It tells you who, what he's doing/facing, and I think has a nice twist at the end with the reflection character I have. Maybe I'll try to write a couple more for next week's update so I can put that in the letter draft--and play with the ones I do have.
Until next week!