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Will Someone Tell My Inner Critic to Shove It?

I have written quite a bit more on my one-shot, and am nearing the end of the second stanza of three, but the problem is my inner critic keeps making me question it and I can't make it go away and be QUIET. I read the stuff I wrote, and I keep saying "it's okay" but I don't want just okay. I want it to be the best it can be and I'm stuck staring at it going "but what can I fix or change or do to make it better." I'm left wanting to pull my hair out, seriously. I don't know what the problem is, except that that little nagging voice all of us writers have is just being a pain to be one if you ask me.

I have to work again today, so I can't spend the time I'd like to on going over those paragraphs and retooling or rewriting or cutting or anything, but maybe tomorrow, cause lord knows I'll be beat when I come home. GAH. And I was feeling pretty good when I got those paragraphs on the page. I thought that Sesshomaru was working with me and everything, and now I'm wringing my hands wondering if the stuff I wrote and typed up is just crap. And I know in a rough write that is one of the worst things to do---worry about the quality being polished and the way it should be, to let Mr. Critic play Simon Cowell in your head and ask "you what the bloody hell was that", cause then you wonder if every word, sentence, paragraph is the way it should be and you get, well, kinda where I'm at: stalled.

I guess I'll just have to wait for my beta to let me know what she thinks about it, since I did sent it to her for her opinion. If I could just get Sesshomaru out of his pensive, sulky mood and to the point of the story where he gets what he's wanted ALL along in it, I would be able to get this wrapped up and ready to do what my critic wants to do NOW: edit.

The problem is, I don't like to continue on in a story until I get each piece of it set, especially in a song!fic. I HATE to place lyrics in places after I've written the narrative. I figure I should address the lyrics with the narrative, not just place them on the page where I think they'll closely fit or look nice. They could have been left out then. I will say this particular song!fic is harder to write than Child of the Moon was--at least it seems so on some levels. I'm trying to keep the thread of the story---what Sesshomaru WANTS, which is what this story is about for the most part---going through it and for it to match the lyrics. I still feel so far my effort on Stanza Two is only "okay" and I don't want that just "okay" feeling. I want that good feeling that it's the best it's gonna be which means I'll probably be dissecting what I have of Stanza Two tomorrow---I wonder how many times I'll end up rewriting this portion of the story. The first stanza had several passages that were rewritten SIX or SEVEN times.

Those of you who don't know it, I write by hand. I also am too poor and cheap to buy ink , so I don't print out copies, I copy a portion of the story BY HAND and then continue. Sometimes it helps me to get refocused rather than simply re-reading it. I can read something on the computer screen or even on a printed page, but it just doesn't seem the same as when I rewrite it in a notebook and take it from there. I get the feeling tomorrow's gonna be a long day of copying and rewriting by hand. I'm just hoping the rough version I keep getting the blah "okay" feeling from will start to reveal the gems I can see in some portions of it. I can see certain passages in it that aren't too bad and actually say what I want it to, but I still question the rest.

The most difficult thing about all of this is the fact that while I'm trying to write this one-shot, I keep getting plot bunnies that I have to write down and shelve. If they would just leave me alone, I could perhaps get this story done. ARRGH. What to do, huh? I'm just hoping I can get this section of the story the way I want it tomorrow. I can't continue until this portion is where I want it, cause then I'll only have to rewrite that much more!

Sigh, until next time,

Far Away Eyes

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*sigh* I know what you mean. I'm fretting over whether the Sango/Miroku oneshot I posted in the middle of the night last night (under flock) is even remotely hot enough to consider entering in the Valentine lemon challenge. It just didn't go where I originally planned, at all. I can't decide if I like it or hate it. It's frustrating.

Mine was going where I wanted it to go up until I really got into stanza two and I don't really know what I'm gonna do about it just yet. We shall see. Hopefully I can get it to do what I want it to do.

Maybe now that you've written the drabbles you can get into this? I know how you feel, though. I'm on my 8th re-write of the next chapter of my story (no luck) and have been working on a one-shot/song fic for two weeks with little success. Might have a lot to do with the stress in my life right now, but still. It's frustrating.

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